Clever woman

Clever woman

There was a man who worked all of his life and saved all of his money.

He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he Said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my Money and place it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife." So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he Died, she would put all the money in the casket with him. Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the Wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend.

When They finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready To close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!" She had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and Placed it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket Down and rolled it away. Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in the casket." "Yes," the wife said,

"I promised. I'm a good Christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket With him." "You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the Casket with him?"

"I sure did. I got it all together, put it Into my account and I wrote him a check."

 

سه اتاق در جهنم

Three Rooms in Hell

A man dies and goes to Hell. The Devil meets him at the gates and says "There are three rooms here. You can choose which one you want to spend eternity in

The Devil takes him to the first room where there are people hanging from the walls by their wrists and obviously in agony

The Devil takes him to the second room where the people are being whipped with metal chains

The Devil then opens the third door, and the man looks inside and sees many people sitting around, up to their waists in garbage, drinking cups of tea

The man decides instantly which room he is going to spend eternity in and chooses the last room

He goes into the third room, picks up his cup of tea and the Devil walks back in saying "Ok, guys, tea break’s over, back on your heads

 

خانم گرین

Mrs. Green

Mrs. Green was eighty, but she had a small car she always drove to the shops in it on Saturday and bought her food.

She did not drive fast, because she was old, but she drove well and never hit anything. Sometimes her grandchildren said to her, 'Please don't drive your car, Grandmother. We can take you to the shops.'

But she always said, 'No, I like driving. I've drive in for fifty years, and I'm not going to stop now.'

Last Saturday she stopped her car at some traffic-lights because they were red, and then it did not start again. The lights were green, then yellow, then red, then green again, but her car did not start.

'What am I going to do now?' she said.

But then a policeman came and said to her kindly, 'Good morning. Don't you like any of our colors today?'

خانم گرین

خانم گرین هشتاد سالش بود، اما ماشین کوچکی داشت و همیشه با آن در روزهای شنبه برای خرید غذایش به فروشگاه می‌رفت.

او به علت پیری سریع رانندگی نمی‌کرد، اما خوب رانندگی می‌کرد و هیچوقت با چیزی برخورد(تصادف)نمیکرد.. بعضی وقت‌ها نوه‌هایش به او می‌گفتند: مادربزرگ، لطفا رانندگی نکنید، ما می توانیم تو را به فروشگاه ببریم.

اما همیشه می‌گفت: نه، من رانندگی را دوست دارم. پنجاه سال رانندگی کردم، حالا قصد ندارم از رانندگی دست بردارم.

شنبه‌ی گذشته ماشینش را پشت چراغ قرمز متوقف کرد، و حرکت نکرد. چراغ سبز، سپس زرد، سپس قرمز و دوباره سبز شد، اما حرکت نکرد

با خود گفت: حالا باید چی کار کنم؟

اما در آن هنگام پلیسی آمد و با مهربانی به او گفت: صبح بخیر، شما هیچ کدام از رنگ‌های چراغ راهنمایی ما رو دوست ندارید

وقتی شانس در خونه شما را میزند

When Opportunity knocks....
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands their money. Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, 'Did you see me rob this bank?'

The man replied, 'Yes sir, I did.'

The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, 'Did you see me rob this bank?'

The man replied, 'No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!'

Moral - When Opportunity knocks.... MAKE USE OF IT!

وقتی شانس در خونه شما را میزند

مردی با اسلحه وارد یک بانک شد و تقاضای پول کرد. وقتی پول ها را دریافت کرد رو به یکی از مشتریان بانک کرد و پرسید : آیا شما دیدید که من از این بانک دزدی کنم؟

مرد پاسخ داد : بله قربان من دیدم.

.سپس دزد اسلحه را به سمت شقیقه مرد گرفت و او را در جا کشت

او مجددا رو به زوجی کرد که نزدیک او ایستاده بودند و از آن ها پرسید آیا شما دیدید که من از این بانک دزدی کنم؟

مرد پاسخ داد : نه قربان. من ندیدم اما همسرم دید.

نکته اخلاقی: وقتی شانس در خونه شما را میزند. از آن استفاده کنید!