علائم استاندارد برای مختصر کردن در پیام های متنی انگلیسی

علائم استاندارد برای مختصر کردن در پیام های متنی انگلیسی

@; at
AFAIK: as far as know
AFK: away from the keyboard
ASL: age, sex, location
AISI: as I see it
ATB:  all the best
BBK: be back later
BCNU: be seeing you
BFN: bye for now
B4: before
C: see
CUL8R: see you later
F2F: face to face
H8: hate
GR8: great
JK: just kidding
JAM: just a minute
HAND: have a nice day
FYI: for your information
GAL: get a life
F2T: face to talk
IME: in my experience
IAC: in any case
IRL: in real life
BFN: bye for now
DK: don’t know
BTW: by the way
HTH: hope this helps

Clever woman

Clever woman

There was a man who worked all of his life and saved all of his money.

He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he Said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my Money and place it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife." So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he Died, she would put all the money in the casket with him. Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the Wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend.

When They finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready To close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!" She had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and Placed it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket Down and rolled it away. Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in the casket." "Yes," the wife said,

"I promised. I'm a good Christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket With him." "You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the Casket with him?"

"I sure did. I got it all together, put it Into my account and I wrote him a check."

 

سه اتاق در جهنم

Three Rooms in Hell

A man dies and goes to Hell. The Devil meets him at the gates and says "There are three rooms here. You can choose which one you want to spend eternity in

The Devil takes him to the first room where there are people hanging from the walls by their wrists and obviously in agony

The Devil takes him to the second room where the people are being whipped with metal chains

The Devil then opens the third door, and the man looks inside and sees many people sitting around, up to their waists in garbage, drinking cups of tea

The man decides instantly which room he is going to spend eternity in and chooses the last room

He goes into the third room, picks up his cup of tea and the Devil walks back in saying "Ok, guys, tea break’s over, back on your heads

 

در یک ساعت چقدر پول در می آورید؟

How much money do you make an hour?

A man came home from work late again, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year-old son waiting for him at the door.

“Daddy, may I ask you a question?”

“Yeah, sure, what is it?” Replied the man.

“Daddy, how much money do you make an hour?

“That’s none of your business! What makes you ask such a thing?” the man said angrily.

“I just want to know. Please tell me, how much you make an hour?” pleaded the little boy.

“If you must know, I make $20.00 an hour.”

“Oh,” the little boy replied, head bowed. Looking up, he said, “Daddy, may I borrow $10.00 please?”
 

آموختن از معلم

Learning from Teachers

Eight -year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's.

However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school.

I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."

Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back:

"Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."

 

Gifts for Mother

Gifts for Mother

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother, who lived far away in another city.

The first said, “I had a big house built for Mama. The second said, “I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house. The third said, “I had my Mercedes dealer deliver her an SL600 with a chauffeur. The fourth said, “Listen to this. You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can’t read it anymore because she can’t see very well. I met this monk who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took 20 monks 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge them $100,000 a year for 20 years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it.” The other brothers were impressed.

After the holidays Mama sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote: Dear Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway.

Dear Mike, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I’ve lost my hearing and I’m nearly blind. I’ll never use it. But thank you for the gesture just the same.

Dear Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes … and the driver you hired is a big jerk. But the thought was good.

Thanks. Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you.”